Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Todd Akin Defends Pussy Riot

Todd Akin, the US Representative from the Second Congressional District in Missouri, came out today with a fervent defense of Pussy Riot. Said, Representative Akin, "You see it's this pussy riot thing that, um, ah, prevents women from making a baby if they've been the recipient of a legitimate rape. You see, their bodies just won't let that happen. They set this whole thing in motion more less on autopilot to prevent, well, you know, to prevent a baby from being made. I read this on the Goggle. I did a Goggle to find this out. Google, right, a Google."

As Representative Akin was making this statement, an interrupted him and whispered in his ear. After the interruption, Mr. Akin, changed directions in his statement, saying, "This bright young man, one of my House aides, informs me that this pussy riot thing is not a preventative mechanism down in the lady parts, but rather some kind of commie plot. Oh, wait, an anti-commie plot in, un, in the Soviet Union. Apparently they are some girls in gang ... oh, in a band or something, that are agitating against the Tsar. Oh, I stand corrected, against Governor Putin. Um, Valdemort Putin, over there in Soviet Russia."

As Mr. Akin was amending his statement on Pussy Riot, another of his aides removed the photo below from an easel where it had apparently been set so that the congressman could illustrate with a visual aid exactly how Pussy Riot prevents pregnancies.


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