Monday, October 10, 2016

October Surprise: Trump Dumps Pence; Taps Bob Durst for VP

In yet another surprise move in a presidential campaign filled with an unprecedented number of surprises, minutes before the start of the second presidential debate this evening in St. Louis, Republican candidate Donald J. Trump announced to a stunned group of reporters that he had asked Vice Presidential nominee Mike Pence, governor of Indiana, to step aside.

During the brief press conference, Mr. Trump then dropped a bombshell, introducing, via live video link from a California jail cell, incarcerated New York real estate scion Robert Durst as his new running mate.

Said Mr. Trump, "Thank you everyone. I have a brief announcement.  Then we'll be heading to the debate where I'll be all over that like a bitch. I've been left no choice but to remove Mike Pence from the ticket. His disloyalty and disrespect is, it's just, it's a total disaster. He's a loser. Dense Pence. Pussy Pence. I've selected Bob Durst to be my VP because he reflects the kind of values, I, he's tremendous, terrific, huge, that we'll be making America great again and get our jobs back from China. Benghazi. Emails. Bill Clinton on the golf course said worse. Much worse. Much, much, much worse. Paula Jones. Those are some legs. Worse. Unlike Bill Clinton, Bob Durst shares my love of women. Really shares the love. Married multiple times. I'll be the best president for women. Unlike crooked Hillary. Bob told me that he knows how to deal with problems like this. Woman problems. I trust him. Make America great again. You can trust him, too. Only he and I know how to deal with a hot mike. I've said it many times, many times, I said many times, that there is no one, no one, that has ever run for president, no one, ever who knows the tax code like I do. No one. I'm the only one who can fix it. Same thing with Robert, with Bob Durst. Only he knows how to get tough, how to, tough on crime, get law and order. Extreme vetting."

As Mr. Trump was speaking to the assembled reporters, Mr. Durst was heard on the video monitor, apparently unaware that his microphone was still live, muttering to himself, "What have I done? Ha, ha. Killed 'em all."

Mr. Trump continued, "Bob is smart. Would he take a $916 million tax loss? Smart." Then, he abruptly interrupted the press conference, saying, "Excuse me folks, but I have to retweet something that Vladimir, that Putin, that President Putin just tweeted."

Asked after the press conference to comment on Mr. Durst's selection, House Speaker Paul Ryan said, "I don't condone what Mr. Durst has been alleged to have done. But, I know he supports our goal of shrinking government, so I'll support his choice." Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell replied to questions from the press saying, "I think what Robert Durst has done is something I don't agree with. I have three daughters. But if he apologizes, then it's okay with me."

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