Sources report that Gloria Cain is ending her 43-year long marriage to Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain. Reporters following Mr. Cain to his suburban Atlanta home early Friday morning arrived to find Mr. Cain's belongings, including a bed, at the curbside. As Mr. Cain, attempted to make his way past throngs of press and media people, as well as supporters and opponents, crowding his front lawn, several burly bodyguards stepped into to the clear the way for to reach his front door.
As reporters shouted questions to Mr. Cain, he replied, "It ain't over until I say it's over. Nine, nine, nine." He then reportedly became more incoherent than usual, shouting "This smothers mother from another brotherf**cker doesn't need to know anything. I got people who can get me pizza with black walnut and bacon on it. This is racist plot by Gingrich, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, the Tripartite Commission and those f**cking Koch brothers to derail the Cain Train. We'll it ain't happening. I did not have an affair with that woman. I paid her rent for thirteen years. Of course I had sex with her. That's not an affair. That's just getting what a generous man like Herman Cain has got coming to him. They all loved me. No affairs. They begged for it. The voters are begging for it. I think those goddamned Fluorostanistanis are behind this and those Uzbekitstanististanististanistanis, too. All a bunch of motherf**cking racists. Well, after I invade Iraq or Iran or whatever that sh*thole place is, I'm gonna nine, nine, nine the whole bunch of you. Now I said get outta my face."
Mr. Cain was promptly whisked away by his Secret Service detail which is paid for entirely by taxpayer dollars.
Herman Cain's belongings in front of his home early Friday morning.
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